Hope to be close

I'm having dinner with my sister tonight. It'll be the first time I've seen her since our mom passed away back in February. Six months. I can't believe it's been that long. I kinda swore to myself that we wouldn't drift apart again after mama died. Hopefully, this'll help me get back on track with that promise.

For a while though, I just didn't want to see my sister. Not because of anything she did. Just because she reminded me of mama, and I didn't want to deal with that reminder so soon. I wonder if she thought the same of me? I really wouldn't blame her. I think we've both needed some time to just be apart to grieve and heal.

I'm still grieving. Even as I write this, I think about mama, and it makes me sad. Not the raging, wailing kind of grief. Just this dull ache in my heart that simply misses my mama. I wish I could've been better to her. I feel like I didn't do for her like I should have, and sometimes that weighs heavy on my heart. I feel like when my sister sees me, she thinks the same thing. I don't know.

Anyway, tonight I'm going to see her, and I'm honestly really glad. I hope I don't cry. Maybe if I do, sissy will just tell me to "put your big girl panties on," and that'll make me laugh and forget about being sad. I could never say that to someone that's upset, but then again sissy is pretty much my polar opposite. We're so different. I guess that's why we were never very close. Hopefully that can change though. Mama wanted us to be close, so I'll try. Really, I want it too.

If the title didn't clue you in...

Sorry for the sarcasm. I'm tired. I don't usually have trouble sleeping, but tonight's an exception. I decided to get up rather than keep tossing and turning and possibly waking my husband up.

Anyway, I made this blog for me. You can read it if you want. Who am I to stop you? I can't guarantee that the content of the blog will be helpful or inspiring in any way. In fact, I won't guarantee that. After all, this is for me. If you want to follow along, you can probably expect some posts about who I am, what games I'm playing, what I'm writing, what I'm doing creatively, my goals (big and small), and probably some other random items.

With that, I'm going to go on to bed now, and let you wonder what I might possibly post here next. That is, if you're still interested.