Hope to be close

I'm having dinner with my sister tonight. It'll be the first time I've seen her since our mom passed away back in February. Six months. I can't believe it's been that long. I kinda swore to myself that we wouldn't drift apart again after mama died. Hopefully, this'll help me get back on track with that promise.

For a while though, I just didn't want to see my sister. Not because of anything she did. Just because she reminded me of mama, and I didn't want to deal with that reminder so soon. I wonder if she thought the same of me? I really wouldn't blame her. I think we've both needed some time to just be apart to grieve and heal.

I'm still grieving. Even as I write this, I think about mama, and it makes me sad. Not the raging, wailing kind of grief. Just this dull ache in my heart that simply misses my mama. I wish I could've been better to her. I feel like I didn't do for her like I should have, and sometimes that weighs heavy on my heart. I feel like when my sister sees me, she thinks the same thing. I don't know.

Anyway, tonight I'm going to see her, and I'm honestly really glad. I hope I don't cry. Maybe if I do, sissy will just tell me to "put your big girl panties on," and that'll make me laugh and forget about being sad. I could never say that to someone that's upset, but then again sissy is pretty much my polar opposite. We're so different. I guess that's why we were never very close. Hopefully that can change though. Mama wanted us to be close, so I'll try. Really, I want it too.